The phrase “financial infidelity” has become more popular recently, and it refers to a problem that many couples have.
A 2022 poll by CreditCards.com found that 32% of adults admitted to lying about their earnings, even though they shared their money with their partners.
Like cheating on your partner emotionally or physically, cheating on your partner financially breaks trust and can cost you money. We’ll talk about what financial cheating is, why it happens, and how to move on from it in this post.
What is financial infidelity?
Financial infidelity refers to the act of being dishonest about financial matters within a relationship.
It involves:
- hiding financial information
- secret spending
- concealing debts
- making significant financial decisions without informing the partner
- any form of financial betrayal that is kept secret from a partner or spouse
Financial infidelity can be a form of coercive control, as one person seeks to dominate the decisions of the relationship by hiding key information.
It may result from poor communication around money combined with the powerful shame of debt, corroding trust inch by inch. It can also be driven by other people avoiding conversations about money, like gambling or sex addiction.
Ultimately, financial infidelity betrays confidence and honesty about money affairs; it can break trust, cause rifts in relationships, and cause emotional pain.
Is financial infidelity the same as cheating?
Financial infidelity shares similarities with cheating, but specifically pertains to deception or dishonesty in financial matters within a relationship. While traditional cheating usually involves romantic or emotional betrayal, financial infidelity involves secrecy or dishonesty about money-related issues.
However, both can strain relationships and cause emotional distress. Therefore, addressing issues of financial infidelity often requires open communication and rebuilding trust in monetary matters within the relationship.
Different forms of financial infidelity
Financial infidelity can manifest in various ways, such as:
- hiding purchases
- concealing debts
- maintaining secret accounts
- lying about income
- making significant financial decisions without a partner’s knowledge
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7 Causes of Financial Infidelity
Financial infidelity can stem from various factors within a relationship or an individual’s mindset.
Here are some common causes:
1. Communication issues
If you aren’t able to communicate about money with your partner, you might not understand each other, argue, or feel comfortable talking about it. Partners may hide financial choices because they are afraid of fighting or because they don’t want to talk about them.
2. Differing financial values
Differences in how partners feel about spending, saving, or setting financial goals can lead to conflict. To avoid arguments over differing financial values, one partner might hide purchases or bills.
3. Financial stress
High amounts of debt, money problems, or living from paycheck to paycheck can make relationships stressful. People might hide money problems to keep their partner from having to deal with extra stress or to avoid being judged.
4. Lack of trust
Previous experiences, such as a history of financial betrayal, dishonesty, or broken trust, might lead individuals to be secretive about money matters, fearing similar outcomes.
5. A desire for autonomy
Some people may want to be financially independent or in charge of their money, which could make them hide some financial details to feel free.
6. Cultural or societal pressures
Cultural or societal norms about money can have an impact on people’s actions. For example, in some countries, talking about money might be seen as rude or awkward, which could lead to secrecy.
7. Addictive behaviors
Compulsive spending, gambling addiction, or substance abuse can lead to financial infidelity as individuals hide their habits to avoid scrutiny.
Does financial infidelity lead to divorce?
Financial infidelity is a common reason for divorce today. For starters, it can damage a couple monetarily, leading to challenges in meeting financial goals and building a secure future together.
If you or your partner take on more debt, you will have less time to save for things like retirement, vacations, your kids’ college, or the house of your dreams.
But the damage can also be emotional. Not only might your partner lie about their debt, but they might also lie about their hidden bank accounts, funds, credit cards, withdrawals they can’t explain, and careless spending. This can damage your relationship with your partner, making you lose trust in them.
How to spot financial infidelity
Spotting financial infidelity might involve observing certain behavioral or transactional patterns within a relationship.
Here are some signs that could indicate financial infidelity:
- Secretive behavior: sudden secrecy about money matters, like hidden bank accounts, credit cards, or other financial assets that were not previously disclosed in the relationship.
- Unexplained transactions: unfamiliar withdrawals, charges, or transfers on bank statements or credit card bills that the partner cannot explain or refuses to discuss.
- Sudden lifestyle changes: changes in spending habits, lifestyle, or possessions without a clear explanation or mismatch between visible expenditures and reported income.
- Frequent borrowing or financial stress: persistent requests for money or loans without a transparent explanation of where the funds are going.
- Reluctance to share financial information: unwillingness to share financial documents, provide access to joint accounts, or avoiding conversations about money like budgeting or financial plans together.
Can you overcome financial infidelity?
Yes, overcoming financial infidelity is possible, but it requires effort, commitment, and willingness from both partners to address and resolve the underlying issues.
Here are steps that can help in the process:
- Open communication: Start by having an open and honest conversation. Discuss feelings, concerns, and the impact of the financial breach on the relationship.
- Identify root causes: Understand the reasons behind the financial infidelity. Discuss individual financial values, fears, and past experiences that may have contributed to the breach of trust.
- Transparency: Foster transparency by sharing financial information, debts, and expenses openly. Rebuild trust by being truthful about your financial situation.
- Plan together: Collaborate on financial goals, budgeting, and decision-making. Work as a team to rebuild a stable financial future.
- Seek professional help: Consider seeking guidance from a financial advisor or a counselor specializing in relationships. Professional assistance can provide insights and strategies to navigate the complexities of financial infidelity.
- Forgiveness and patience: Healing from financial infidelity takes time. Both partners should be patient and willing to forgive past mistakes while actively working toward rebuilding trust and strengthening the relationship.
How to recover from financial infidelity
Recovering from financial infidelity is a challenging but essential journey.
It involves rebuilding trust, fostering transparency, and working collaboratively towards shared financial goals.
By acknowledging the issue, having open conversations, and seeking support, couples can heal from the scars of financial betrayal and strengthen their bond.
Financial infidelity might be a difficult phase, but with mutual effort and commitment, couples can emerge stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to navigate future challenges.
It’s about reestablishing trust, respecting each other’s perspectives, and building a secure financial foundation for a healthier relationship.
Final thoughts
The consequences of financial infidelity can be far-reaching.
It breeds mistrust, fuels conflicts, and strains emotional connections. The betrayed partner may feel deceived, betrayed, and financially insecure. It’s a betrayal of trust that often echoes beyond just monetary matters.